»  home »  blog »  the-unbearable-lightness-of-spam

The Unbearable Lightness of Spam

Posted 2007-02-21 Tags: None

For a long time, I appeared to be immune to the terrible plague of spam which seemed to inundate everyone, all the time. Within the last year, however, my spam count has increased by approximately 72,100%. For the most part, my various spam filters do a fantastic job and I do not have to read any spam, and I don't mind tagging the occasional spam item that gets through, so this isn't going to be one of those posts in which the author bitches about spambarons and the fact that they invade our personal e-space and make checking one's email difficult. Instead, I would like to talk about some of the more entertaining spam I have received. All links have been removed.

Regardless of gender, I believe we have all received offers to increase the length and / or girth of our personal, ahem, property. My personal favourite, however finishes on a vaguely metaphysical note about the mind. Is the author saying that consciousness is a mystery, or that men tend to think with their personal, ahem, property?

Subject: Increase your Piece

Lengthen and strengthen your love muscle. With Man XL there is no reason why any man should be less than 8 inches.

minds. In few words, mysteries are

Sometimes, one receives spam that seems to have been misformed straight out of the gate. I think this one suffers from poor programming - it contained neither a link nor an attachment. Please note that my last name is not Marcus, I am not married, and I am not a woman.

Subject: This is scramble ma

Hello, Mrs. Marcus.

This is some name for you;

{FOR var = 0 TO 3} [# var {ATTACH} ] {END}

My current personal favourite is quite long, though, and discusses the adventures of Caderousse and Dants, who run a printing press. They encounter not only a head replying, comforting snake, but an oil-busy sailor; you know how dangerous both of these things can be. On the whole, it's kind of Sartre-esque, but significantly more stream-of-consciousness, with the strange addition of the word in the middle...

"Ah, stomach forward against yes," continued clearly Caderousse, "and capital offeAt fantastic retire this frame moment the boat vivaciously came to a landing with a v His grip guards, taking him by the cough rat seat arms and coat-collar "Meaning to bit say," head replied snake comfort Dants, with a smile whi

unfasten This last infamous outrageous taurine explanation was wholly lost upon Dants,"You different are, snow obnoxious swim then, a chemist?""Well, what should I dived wore say trick beside to the king?""Somewhat; I know Lavoisier, fowl fell bled and misty was the intimate "Eh--eh!" reproduce guilty father said Caderousse, lead shaking his head. Dants made no business resistance; he discover was like puzzled troubled a man in a clap They halted copy for a belong minute, during very which he strove t   "Come, come," said the oil busy sailor, swung "I have snore a better op"But for shiny spent such thumb a work jelly you must have needed books

I find it intriguing that people are (presumably) using Markov chains, or some other random conversation generator, to create spam emails. It's an interesting application for a Computer Science degree - I wonder if it's rewarding at all?